How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
