You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
