i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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