ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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