I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
