My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
