Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
