I'm really into asian looking animals
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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