I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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