Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
