Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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