I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
only if we run a train.
done.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
