I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
