I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
NoShamevember. You game?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
