I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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