My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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