You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
