chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
