I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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