Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
