Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
