maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
