I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
