Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can't trust your balls anymore.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
