Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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