where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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