The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
