I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
