Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
