If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
