when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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