I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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