Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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