Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I am available for nakedness
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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