Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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