Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
