idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She bit a glass in half.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
