like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
