sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
