your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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