after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
