my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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