The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
