I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
