Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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