U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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