Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
