Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think I died a long time ago.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
