I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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