i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
