yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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