Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
