just come out here and I will go home with you...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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